the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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