i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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