honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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