OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
