please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
