Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
