if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
