**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
