I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
4 words: hood of his car
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
