We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
