You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize