R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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