I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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