NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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