Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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