My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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