Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
