Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
