everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize