is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
