the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
