i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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