I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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