i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I supernannyed him into submission
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
