he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
