Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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