She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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