it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
