She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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