So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
