It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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