So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
