Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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