Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize