How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
