toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm really busy with my period
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