i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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