Where did you get a picture of my penis
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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