I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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