Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
