Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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