Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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