You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
