Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize