Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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