Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
