I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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