dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
