You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
