Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
