the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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