Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
