I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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