I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's get the cat blown out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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