So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
