she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
