This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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