Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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