if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize