who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
