At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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