i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love having hate sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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