you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
