Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
