im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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