How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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