i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
