no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
