i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
