people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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