I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
