i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
