I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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