connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
