Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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